Flying Solo....Well Not Really

Before this crazy work schedule - my fiance and I were inseparable. We had the same group of friends so honestly anything we did was usually together until obviously the NYPD. I have been thinking about this for awhile now. Most of our friends are all coupled up either dating, engaged, or married. However, my best friend is currently single and is honestly my saving grace. She is willing to do anything from doing errands with me to accompanying me to a bar for a birthday get together. I mentioned this to my "cop's wives club" friends and they said that she is my fiance replacement. At first, I denied it but the more I thought about it I guess I agree. I don't know if I would go to a bar alone to meet people that I am not that friendly with.

Family Birthday Parties - They are huge in my family! Everyone gets one until basically you die so for a bunch of Saturdays in the year we go to an aunt, cousin, grandparents, etc. birthday party. Beav (I have decided to start using this has his new name so I don't have to say my fiance all the time. I'm sure everyone gets that he is my fiance. Beav is not totally random - it is what we call each other sometimes. How it came about is a whole different story. lol) So I continue...Beav and I started dating almost 6 years ago and at first he didn't mind birthday parties. After a couple of years, he started to complain I guess as anyone would I even complain sometimes they are on a Saturday and at times so often. Since he graduated the academy he has missed 2 family events and today will make the third. I miss him not being with me. The hardest is when everyone is coupled up with their girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse and I'm alone. Honestly, I'm not alone because my entire family is there but it would definitely be nice to have him there. My mom said the other day that he finally got out of family birthday parties which I guess is true. He was finding a way out one way or another.

This is the first time since I was probably 15 that I have to fly solo! It is weird, a little sad, at times lonely but at the same time I am learning so much about myself. I'm learning to do things alone without my other half. At times, I feel like I'm missing something or am a little bit naked. Day by day though I'm stronger and more independent than I ever thought I would be and to be honest - I am proud of myself.