Last night was a bad night and today was an even worse morning. I spoke with my amazing fiance about how I feel alone and my fears that this career path will ruin our relationship. We spoke - I cried - He hugged me (which is his thing - if things are bad or either one of us are upset he just wants to hug lol) and today he has sporadically texted me letting me know how his day is going and I think to show me that he thinks about me as much as I think about him. Let me repeat - I have an amazing fiance <3
What I have learned today is....It is so important to have a group of girls/women that you can confide in that are also cop's wives/girlfriends/etc. I am a talker and also a listener but when I have a problem I talk. I talk to my mother, my best friend, the people I work with, and basically anyone who will listen. So today like no different - I talked. The problem was no one really understood. The basic thing I got from everyone (except my fellow cop's wives club members) were..."you knew he wanted to be a cop" which I have mentioned before I did know. However, until you are in the situation and living it I firmly believe that you do not know or really understand for that matter. So, after getting no where and feeling worse than I already did. I decided to speak to the really only other two cop's wives I know which I also consider to be my friends. I ended up hanging out with them - enjoying a couple of beers and discussing our situations which are all different yet the same. I left feeling better, not alone, and confident that I will get through this because I am not the only one that is having issues and I am not the only one who feels lonely or scared.
What I learned tonight is...It is so important to have a group of girls/women that are also cop's wives/girlfriends/etc. because not once did they say well "you knew he wanted to be a cop". Because until you are here - you honestly DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
Sending much love your way. Best I can put it, pull yourselves up by the bootstraps and get used to the idea that as you said, nobody will understand, unless they are walking WITH you. My hubs has been on for 14 years and it took until about two years ago and a lot of hell and heartache thanks to the job, for people, even MY own family, to stop and say, "Wow, you two really do stick together" and "Man you two have seen hell". I will tell you from the bottom of my heart that it is hard, it is scary, it is lonely, it is frustrating... but I know what it was like when my husband was forced to resign. Him losing his beat, his special ops, his livelihood was like experiencing the death of a loved one. We quickly realized THAT life was OUR life.. the only life we knew and the only life we wanted. Lean on other wives, lean on them because they know exactly how you feel. Rest easy knowing that there will be some very wonderful things ahead and that you will make it through adversity. That's what cops and cop wives do.
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