I don't know about any of you ladies or men but I am a jealous person. I always have been - I'm not jealous of material possessions or anything like that. I am practical - I drive the same car that I driven since I was 17 years old and would it be awesome to have a better, nicer, shinier car....of course! But at this point in my life I need to keep, spend, or save my money for other things. I'm not impressed my expensive bags or shoes. I love jewelry! So, maybe if any material thing, I would be jealous of anything that sparkles. :)
The truth is...I'm jealous of anybody who gets to spend more time with Beav than I do. I was jealous of the people in the academy with him because while we were going 5 days at a time not seeing each other - these men/women were spending many hours with him. I feel this way sometimes even now in regards to whoever he is working with. I wish I got to spend 8 hours at a time with him - talking, joking, and eating. Yes, I know he is working but on slow nights where there is nothing going on I think a lot more of the above 3 occurs than actual work. I feel that I have dealt with him being gone during the weeknights well because between work and school I'm busy. My jealously really pokes it's ugly head on the weekends when I go out with my friends and at the end of the night they are kissing and hugging their significant others...I'm their alone. It bothers that I am not single yet I am a 3rd or 5th wheel. It bothers me that one of my childhood best friend's sister is turning 16 and is having a party where my family was invited and I received an invitation to Beav and myself. Of course, it is on a Saturday and of course, Beav is unable to get off for it. So, I will be attending the party as a single but of course with my family.
The other night Beav told me about a squad get together. Basically, the squad plans to do something one night a month on their days off and the other night they had planned to go bowling. They were meeting at a bowling alley that was far from where he lives so he decided not to go. However, it got me thinking how hurt I would be if he decided to go. I know that it makes me sounds like "that girl" but we don't get to spend 5 nights a week together and for him to go hang out with the same people he sees every night while he is not with me bothers me. My fellow cop wife said, "It's about the brotherhood." At times, I am jealous of this so-called "brotherhood".
I can totally relate to being jealous about the goofing off that can go on during the slow nights. :) Truthfully at DH's department there isn't a lot of off duty hanging time, so when there is I fully support it. When the rubber meets the road (or the bullet meets the kevlar, to put it bluntly) I want one of those dudes to have a deep sense of obligation to come screeching to the aid of my husband; while they would anyway, I figure the more cultivated their 'whole' relationship is -- not just at work -- the more it will be out of a sense of care for my DH and not simply obligation.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't make it any easier to stomach in the moment when DH is walking out the door for some hang time, but when I think big picture it gives me balance. Hang in there, girl!!