A little bit of everything...

I have mentioned that I am in school - nursing school specifically. This is my second bachelors and I have been in college continuously since 2005. My first BA I got in psychology and even though I love the subject there was no money to be made with only a BA and at that point in my life I wasn't fully committed to getting my PhD. My major issue was time and I didn't think I could dedicate at least the next 5 years to it. However, I have spent 1 doing my pre-reqs and than it will take me 2 years to finish my BSN in nursing so I really saved myself 2 years. More than likely though I will go back for my masters to I probably should have just went on to get my PhD - who would have known :)

The semester is more than half way over and I could not be more happy. This semester was physically and emotionally draining. At times, I am a huge hypochondriac and this semester really focused on the multiple diseases that could occur throughout the body in all of the systems. It was terrifying and I probably had a couple nervous breakdowns. In addition, in our psycho-social nursing class we spoke about caring for a sick and dying person. Did I mention I also have issues with death? Overall, this semester was like a nightmare. My grades are ok but my own insanity toke a hit. This summer I will spend 8 weeks doing pediatrics and OB which I am exciting about. It will be a change from the normal patient I see during my clinical I am on a telemetry floor so everyone has CHF, Afib, etc. My summer class ends a week before my wedding! Crazy - you say? Maybe or just really eager to be done with school. I am graduating May 2012 and nothing not even a wedding is going to mess up the plan.

Ok - so a posting is not complete without any talk about Beav. Work is going well - they are going to be switching everyone's hours to 7:30pm-4:05am which has pros and cons. We will be able to eat dinner together so that will be nice for a change however he is going to sleep all day long which will include his days off. No use in complaining though - it is happening regardless. He made his second arrest the other night. A male and a female were on the roof while the male was receiving oral sex. Honestly, everyone in that neighborhood knows they can not go on the roof why they constantly ignore that fact and ultimately get arrested for it is beyond me.

Overall, school is going well for me. I probably won't be receiving a 4.0 gpa this semester but I am ok with it. I have learned there are more important things in life than getting all As especially since no one really cares. Beav is doing great. He loves his job and I guess that is really all you can ask for someone. We are settling into police life which really just equals terrible schedules but it is getting easier. There are meltdowns on my part at times but we are getting through it. All together - we are happy, in love, and have exciting things to look forward to....what more could we ask for?

You are just going to say NO!

Beav always has a very distinct way of letting me know that he wants something but also knows that I will disagree with what he is proposing. The conversation went something like this:

Beav: I want something but I know you are going to say no.
Me: (Chuckling - because of how he always phrases such convos) Just tell me.
Beav: No - because you are going to say no.
Me: I'm not your mother I can't say NO. Just tell me what you want.
Beav: I want a gun.
Me: Why do you want another gun? You already have 2.
Beav: It's not for work. It's for shooting at the range.
Me: Ok - how much is this gun?
Beav: $600.
Me: Absolutely not! You keep talking about how we don't have enough money for things such as our wedding, house, honeymoon, GAS for crying out loud. You want to spend $600 on a gun just for fun!!!
Beav: I knew you would say no.

After, some discussing he agreed that at this point in our lives spending $600 on a gun that he only wants so he can go have fun shooting might not be necessary. He even admitted that I am more realistic than he is! Huge accomplishment for me because he always says I live in a fantasy world lol I just hate that I have to be the bubble burster. I wish he would just realize on his own and then I wouldn't have to be the "bad guy". Because after I said that it was a selfish idea I felt guilty and then said ok I will get it for you for something. At that point, he said no because we weren't giving each other expensive gifts and honestly we could spend $600 in so many more productive ways. I just wish he would be more money conscious.

Green-Eyed Monster

I don't know about any of you ladies or men but I am a jealous person. I always have been - I'm not jealous of material possessions or anything like that. I am practical - I drive the same car that I driven since I was 17 years old and would it be awesome to have a better, nicer, shinier car....of course! But at this point in my life I need to keep, spend, or save my money for other things. I'm not impressed my expensive bags or shoes. I love jewelry! So, maybe if any material thing, I would be jealous of anything that sparkles. :)

The truth is...I'm jealous of anybody who gets to spend more time with Beav than I do. I was jealous of the people in the academy with him because while we were going 5 days at a time not seeing each other - these men/women were spending many hours with him. I feel this way sometimes even now in regards to whoever he is working with. I wish I got to spend 8 hours at a time with him - talking, joking, and eating. Yes, I know he is working but on slow nights where there is nothing going on I think a lot more of the above 3 occurs than actual work. I feel that I have dealt with him being gone during the weeknights well because between work and school I'm busy. My jealously really pokes it's ugly head on the weekends when I go out with my friends and at the end of the night they are kissing and hugging their significant others...I'm their alone. It bothers that I am not single yet I am a 3rd or 5th wheel. It bothers me that one of my childhood best friend's sister is turning 16 and is having a party where my family was invited and I received an invitation to Beav and myself. Of course, it is on a Saturday and of course, Beav is unable to get off for it. So, I will be attending the party as a single but of course with my family.

The other night Beav told me about a squad get together. Basically, the squad plans to do something one night a month on their days off and the other night they had planned to go bowling. They were meeting at a bowling alley that was far from where he lives so he decided not to go. However, it got me thinking how hurt I would be if he decided to go. I know that it makes me sounds like "that girl" but we don't get to spend 5 nights a week together and for him to go hang out with the same people he sees every night while he is not with me bothers me. My fellow cop wife said, "It's about the brotherhood." At times, I am jealous of this so-called "brotherhood".

Such Pride

Beav went to the wake this afternoon for the NYPD officer who lost his life this weekend. He got all dressed in his fancy police blues. I watched him as he was getting dressed and it reminded me of when he was in the academy.

The academy was stressful for him. He is a perfectionist and always wanted everything to be perfect from his uniform to his bag. Of course, being screamed at for any little imperfection really instills the desire to be perfect. The living room became his dressing room. He had his uniforms, his gym clothes, his bag, and his gear all placed on the floor. He would get dressed in the living room, put all the stuff in the bag and everyday complain about how the bag they make the NYPD recruits use is so small compared to all the stuff they need to carry.

I looked at him today in his uniform with his gun attached to his belt and his shield. Even though the shield was tainted with a mourning band and it breaks my heart thinking about what his family is going through...I was overcome with such pride for my fiance. He really did it, he went through the academy and he is one of New York's Finest. This might not have been the path I would have chosen for myself but this is what he always wanted and he did it. I looked at my fiance with such pride today <3

Always Say I Love You

Beav and I got into an argument today as I was leaving for work. The details are not really important but he said something and I went to leave for work on angry terms. I walked out the door, closed it behind me, and went into my car. I started the car and sat there for 30 seconds knowing I had to go back inside.

This weekend was a bad weekend for Long Island police officers. A death occurred within the NYPD and the Nassau County Police Department. It reminds you never to leave on bad terms, always kiss each other good bye, and say I love you because it kills me to even think of it but it could be the last time.

I went back inside and we talked. I left happy, with a kiss, and an I love you <3

Engagement

I'm getting married! Not today or tomorrow but in less than 5 months and I am soooo excited. I guess I have been so busy between work, school and just life that I really have not realized the wedding is so soon. I can not wait until I marry the man that I truly call my best friend, lover, and soul mate. I have never been so sure of anything in my life.

We got engaged on November 7, 2009 - exactly a week before my 22nd birthday. He planned the entire day and it was amazing. We went into the city and went to the bronx zoo which was really nice because neither one of us have ever been there before.

This is us at the Bronx Zoo.

After, we decided to walk around Central Park. Again, we have both lived on Long Island for our entire lives but have never been to Central Park. We were having a great day but I could absolutely tell that he was getting a little nervous as the day progressed. We ended up in Shakespeare's Garden overlooking a pond. The area was a little secluded and we walked while looking at the water. Some time went by and Beav told me to turn around. As I turned, he was down on one knee and said, "I wouldn't want to be here with anyone else but you. Would you marry me?" Of course I said yes! 

This picture was taken seconds after he asked me <3

My Beautiful Engagement Ring <3

After making a million phone calls to our family and friends we still had more planned. We always talked about going to the sex museum so he included it into the day. It was an experience but it is not that cool. At one point, we were in a room with about 20 other people all just looking at porn. The museum was fun but I have always found even funnier the fact we went there the day we got engaged.

After, the museum we went out to eat at our favorite city location - Bubba Gumps. Then, luckily a bunch of our friends were in the city for a friend's birthday already so we met up with them and celebrated. It was an amazing day and the best part was he planned every detail himself. I truly can not wait until I can call him my husband <3

These are the hands...

Beav had the last 5 days off - between the days he needed off for pre-cana and then his normal swing days off he lucked out. Unfortunately, I had to work and go to school the last three days but when I went over his house every night he had dinner waiting on the table for me which he cooked all by himself. I'm a lucky girl! :)

Pre-cana went really well. Prior to going, I have to admit that we were really not into the entire thing. However, we showed up bright and early on Saturday hoping for the best and we were not disappointed. The first day they had a psychologist speak about communication and conflict resolution which I thought was great. It was really based on everyday life and stuff that everyone falls into if you are not careful. They had us fill out sheets based on specific topics that were meant to inspire conversation between the couples and they did bring up stuff that was surprising. For example, on the children sheet it stated to pick the top 4 priority things you felt you wanted to instill in your child. I put hugs and kisses, respect for others, respect for oneself, and knowing right from wrong. Beav puts as one of his top 4 - college fund! Seriously!!! hahahah He said that I will give enough hugs and kisses for the both of us so he was being more practical. I found it so funny that he actually would put college fund as one of his top 4 - just wait and see I'm sure he will be giving more hugs and kisses than I will be. Overall, the weekend was great. We really communicated a lot and got to hang out with our friends on a Saturday night - together! I have to say after spending the last 5 nights with him I miss him so much tonight :(

The hosting couple ended the pre-cana weekend with a hand's blessing which I found to be so nice. I think I found the exact one they recited but if not it is very close. Either way, I figured I would share...

(Insert Bride’s Name) please face (Insert Groom’s Name) and hold his hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life.
These are the hands that will work along side yours, as you build your future together, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.
These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within you.
These are the hands that look so large and strong, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.
These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family. 

These are that hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind. 

These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes, eyes that are filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you.

(Insert Groom’s Name) please hold (Insert Bride’s Name) hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you. 

These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life.
These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurt, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it is time to let go.

These are the hands that will massage tension from you neck and back in the evenings after you’ve both had a long hard day. 

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. 

These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, or console you when you are grieving.
They are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope, each time she tells you that you are to have another child, that together you have created a new life.
These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realized.

(To Bride and Groom) Now clasp your hands tightly together...

May these hands always be held by one another. May they have strength to hold on through the storms of stress and the darkness of disillusionment. May they be tender and gentle as they nurture each other in love. May these hands build a marriage founded in grace, rich in caring, and reaching together to bring forth the very best in both.

6pm - 2am

Beav works from 6pm - 2am which really means roll call is at 5:30pm and he gets out at 2:05am. They work 8 hour and 35 minute tours so they have a 3 day weekend everyother week. At first I was so annoyed he got stuck with this shift because it meant that we wouldn't be seeing eachother for most nights for dinner and I go to school during the day so for many of the days we wouldn't cross paths. However, it has worked out. Some days we see eachother for longer and others I only see him for an hour or two which at one point in my life I would have laughed and said never. But we are use to it and we are always texting or sending eachother little pictures...thank god for technology! :)

I realized today - I'm jealous of his shift. lol I love staying up - I am absolutely a night person and feels that everything is more fun at 2am. At this point in my life though I don't have the luxury of staying up all night and waking up at noon. Most nights during the week I pass out between 10-11pm and am up at 6-7am depending upon the day. Beav went to bed last night at 5am and woke up at noon today. It's so funny how life changes because at one point Beav would be in bed by 10pm every night while I was on the computer or watching TV until the middle of the night. How roles have reversed....and I'm jealous!

You were what....denied?!?

Beav and I have to go to pre-cana this weekend. To be honest, there was a time when Beav and I made it a priority to go to church every Sunday together but something happened and we lost it. At this time neither one of us are feeling very religious and wishes that our first weekend off together since January should not be spent talking about God and how our love is somehow related. But we are doing it regardless - who knows maybe we will learn something interesting.

The most annoying part of the situation is....of course its related to the NYPD...was that he was denied the days off yesterday! Beav put the papers in about a month ago and 3 days before he should have the day off they give him the paper back being denied!!! Unacceptable! Someone's job is to work in administration and a month turn over rate is ridiculous. So, today Beav returned to work with the confirmation letter stating he really has to go to pre-cana and we really spent $300 for this. The LT gave in and said ok but not before he suggested taking lost time. He wanted Beav to go to pre-cana from 9-4 then work from 5:30-2:05am. Maybe he could do it for one day but doing that schedule for 2 days would be dangerous. He would be exhausted and really not in the best mind frame to be out on the street with a gun. He explained that and the LT understood so thankfully the $300 was not wasted and this weekend we will go earn our pre-cana certificate from the Diocese of Rockville Centre.