Saturday, February 26, 2011

Throwing Out Titles

There really isn't anything new to speak about with Beav's police life. He works in the projects (I think they call them something a little more fancy now but let's be real it is what it is.) and he says that no one really comes out in the cold, rain, or snow so there has not been much "action".

I've really been focusing less on being the fiance of a police officer. I think that the title can be consuming at times. Honestly, what does being a cop's wife mean anyway? When Beav just entered into the academy I searched online all about being a police officer, being a police officer's wife,  and the life of a police family. I was consumed with it and for the most part I found that so much of it was negative. I was instantly worried and scared to death about what the future held for me. Specifically, I found this poem and it literally made me cry when I read it I thought it was so depressing. Here it is:

What is a Police Wife?

A Police wife is a woman who is married to a man who is "married" to his job, his partner, and his badge. A Police wife can usually be found cooking breakfast at midnight, picking up his uniform at the cleaners, and spending nights alone.

A Police wife must be a good listener, not questioning him. She must be understanding when he goes out for a beer with his buddies, doesn't feel like taking her to the movies, or has an exam to study for.

A Police wife must live with shift work, lonely holidays, bad jokes, ulcers and alcohol, bulletproof vests, and fixed incomes. She is used to words like rape, robbery, assault, and child abuse. She is familiar with night school, stakeouts, overtime and being on her own.

Most women are not born or raised to be a Police wife; it is something that they have chosen to do. Some can and others cannot. She will spend each day learning, listening to, and loving a man that few people respect and most others hate.

A Police wife makes beds, breakfasts, and love to a man who spends more time with junkies, hookers, informants, pimps, and partners than he does her. She attends dinners, meetings, and sometimes funerals.

A Police wife watches as the man she loves grows old before his time, watches him become cold and unfeeling, but she will remain his friend, wife and lover. She will always be these things to him, but she also knows he is first, A Police Officer.

When a wife kisses him as he leaves for work, she will make a silent wish that he will return to her. And every time there is a knock at the door, she will pray it is not the Chief of Police and her husbands partner coming to say kind things about her husband, how brave he was, how dedicated he was.

Being a Police wife means lots of trust, love, and worry, but when he says, "I love you," it makes it all worthwhile.

I have to say that I am very new to this police life but I understand some stuff the woman wrote about and agree with some of it but even still while I read the poem I feel a sense of anger. It makes cop's wives sound like our lives are to appease our husband. That their needs and wants should always come first because he is the police officer. That our needs come second. For example, "A Police wife is a woman who is married to a man who is "married" to his job, his partner, and his badge." This infuriates me! I am going to be married to a man that loves me and in return he is going to be married to me. Not his job, his partner, or badge but to me! I might be to new and not in touch with what this life will really be like but I know something for sure. I am going to try my very hardest to not become like the woman who wrote that poem because it makes me sad to think that it is really the way she views her life - that her husband is more devoted to his job than to her.


  1. Oh, this drivel was written to make someone feel good... pick out the stuff you like and ignore the rest. It's like the phrase "Marine wife: Toughest job in the Corps." Yeah... whatever, until you've been in my beloved Corps you never get to call your job the toughest. Of course, I've been a Marine wife as well as a Marine, so I can actually say that.

    So yeah... just pick the part you like and assume the rest was written by someone trying to feel good about her husband going out for beer with buddies. (Seriously... and I'm not supposed to say "again?". That's not happenin here!)

  2. I agree!

    I did the same thing when Rev was in the academy... I stayed up at night just dreading that this was all going to happen to me. However, I'm convinced that poem was written by a bitter woman!

    I believe it is what you choose to make it. I know that times will get rough (my hubby is still in training at his new job since graduating), but I also know many wives of cops that are happy and have very rewarding lives and great relationships with their officer.

    Chin up! Support and love each other and you'll make it!

  3. Yes, that was very depressing. I'd have to say that person sounds more like a hired maid then a wife. :P It can be tough but not nearly so depressing. Jeepers. I think we need to write a new poem. I'll have to think of something. You have the right mentality though. Your cop is marrying you and you are marrying him. That's the only marriage contract he signs. Like anything else in life you have to make a choice to put your spouse/marriage first. Doesn't matter what the job. Okay, I'm gonna think of a poem now.