1 Year Anniversary

Well - it was on July 6th.

I can't believe a year as already passed by I think about who I was just one year ago and how I felt. I was scared, lonely, and so fearful of the future and this was the first day. There have been so many ups and downs. There have been times where I felt angry and resentful of him that he was creating this life that sucked, where I was alone, and where he spent more holidays with strangers than me. The academy ended and then the real work started. Everything said it would be better, he would have more time, etc. That lead me to yet another disappointment and yet another breakdown. Everyday that passes though I learn and realize a little more.

If I had to give insight to someone else this is what I would say -
- Plans are not set in stone...EVER!
- NYPD only cares about the "greater good of the department" not about the greater good of Beav or his life.
- Overtime is sometimes forced and no one cares if you had plans.
- Find friends who do things without their spouse/significant other or you will be the 3, 5, 7, etc wheel all the time.
- On his days off, schedule things for him to do not just with you but his other friends also - they miss him also.
- Create your own schedules when possible - who cares if breakfast is at noon and dinner is at 10pm. It works for you and that's all that matters.
- Always express your feelings but understand that he also misses you, does not want to be at work on a holiday, and would rather be at the bar with you.

I'm sure there is more but those are the ones that popped into my mind. One year down and 24 more to go :)