Thursday, May 5, 2011
Advice Needed...
I believe that most of you have a little more experience than I do with being married and dealing with everything that comes with it. So, my question is for everyone, how do you split holidays between the 2 families. Beav and I generally have a plan that works for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter but Mother's Day and Father's Day always throws us for a loop. We actually have never made a plan for these holidays. We basically just do them separately. However, we both feel that we should be together and celebrate the holidays with our mothers at different times especially because next year we will be married and should be together. The problem is that both sides do a dinner at around the same time. He already said that his mother won't be very accommodating if we decide to ask if we can do a brunch with her but at the same time I don't feel like I should always have to change my plans with my mother because his won't be accommodating. Now that I vented a little...what do you guys do? Any advice/wisdom that can help us come to a decision :)
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That's a toughie. We didn't have those problems because the first 12 years of marriage we were in the military and coming home wasn't an option.
ReplyDeleteThe EASY way (although not the nicest) is to explain to them that you don't want EITHER of them to feel slighted and rather than risking that, all holidays will take place at your house unless they have a better plan. At that point, it'll be up to THEM to come up with something between the two of them and neither will want to look selfish, so it should (technically) work itself out.
I'm truly thankful we don't have to deal with this crap. And if my son and dil were close by, I STILL wouldn't expect them to adjust for me. But I'm a rebel like that ;) Good luck.
For any holiday, we try and split the holiday up, by using two days. This Saturday we'll be celebrating mother's day at his place and then Sunday at mine. For all other holidays where we can't come to a compromise we pick one family and then next year we'll do the other. When it's not my families year, I always make sure to call right before the gathering starts to let them know I'm thinking of them. It seems to smooth things over.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard, but such is life when combining two lives, you can't always please everyone. You can only do so much :)
Wishing you the best!
We've never had to deal with this because his family East coast, mine west coast and they know that they'll see us when they see us or they can come to us. But I always hear all the crazy stories about this sort of thing! I guess you could do the every other year thing or you could do first part of the day at one, evening at the other? Or you could do your own thing. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your advice! Holiday are absolutely the worst trying to figure everything out, being "fair", and trying to come out of it with the least amount of people upset. I'm guessing its just new for everyone and hopefully they get use to the idea of splitting/sharing. lol We shall see :)
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